I've decided to use this blog as a platform to talk about everything I feel, except Personal Finance - as I already have a blog dedicated to this function. Many times I've tried to do that on this blog, but it seems like every time I tried to put my fingers to the keyboard, what I type comes out poetic, thoughtful and less like a conversation. So what ends up happening is, I feel this immense amount of pressure when it comes to this blog - because the stuff I wrote before is freaking good! Like its some deep, feeling, emotional, type stuff. So I always feel like I'm competing with myself to make this blog entry better than the rest.
Which results in my being afraid of this blog.
Yep, I said it...I'm scared of my Collection of Moments blog - and I embrace my Personal Finance blog b/c there's no pressure there to say clever metaphors, sassy comebacks and convey deep emotion.
So the end result - I'm going to still allow this blog to be a collection of "moments" - who said each moment has to be filled with love? or well written? or deep?
No one!
So today - I'm still sorta struggling with the fact that I have to keep my nails done - my mom's MAKING me. Ever since I got my engagement ring....this has been a continuous personal committment. I want to stop it, but its like drugs, you cannot break the habit! Acrylic makes your nails brittle, so its like you HAVE to keep the nails and they do look SOO much better, especially when you're CONSTANTLY showing your hands off. But I hate the maintenence, monetary and time committment and I hate when it get old!! Cleaning up, more opportunity to BREAK them and it HURTS when it gets hit the wrong way! GRRR...so I'm at a crossroads - what to do? what to do?
In other news - I work at Freddie Mac....I think that's about all I need to say about that.
I've come to figure out that I LOVE hosting events - ONLY if they are well executed by me. LOL. I hate it when I'm not in control and I need for all things to be according to schedule. Making people wait and not being on time - makes me not-so-happy.
Wedding planning - I hate these retarded wedding vendors who take FOREVER to get back to you....errrr what? I mean seriously - I asked you ONE question, just write back...and then let me decide whether or not I want to sign your contract, thanks.
Oh yeah, word to the wise - when you're engaged to someone, you enter into this new "wedding planning" land with them - and let's just say, the pressure to put on this "event" (yes, I'm aware that I chose that word) makes you and the love of your life act a bit out of character...just a bit. Needless to say, your love has to be strong and your patience loooooong (on both sides). Let me just say for the record - the qualities that I LOVE about my fiance - are so annoying during the planning process (yep, again, I SAID IT!!!)!!! I LOVE that my baby is a strong educated male. One with great opinions and ideas that are sometimes the opposite of mines. I love that he doesn't back down from a challenge and I'm always proud to call him a MAN, MY MAN :)
This (what I just described)...not soo cute when you're questioning why I don't wanna wear a veil!! Because I DON'T WANNA!!! lol....
he's going to kill me when he sees this (sad face)
I love you pook-tastic ;)
I also love that he's secure enough to not even flinch when I call him the craziest pet names, in public and his boys laugh at him...and he still answers me like he didn't hear them (kisses on the cheek)!
Love - in general - aside from the wedding planning - GOSH - I've learned so much for you! I've seen you in different forms, manifesting in friends, coworkers and associates...
and I'm going to be honest - I hate how the quest for you dominates people so much and turns them into a shell of the person they once were. I love how you make me feel every time I fall to sleep in my finace's arms. I love the person I've turned into because of you. I hate the lack of you in the world. I love the passionate version of you. I love the calm, every day - "I could sit and play on the computer, while he watches the football game" version of you. I love when I see you and you're real :) I LOATHE imitators of you. I love the GOD in you....Love - I LOVE you!
Ignorance...I feel sorry for people who operate in it. Stupidity - definitely detest you...
I want a raise....now. I guess it's true, the more you make the more you want to make? Or something like that.....
I've been thinking about baby names for my children lately - I swear I can see those little jokers running around our future house....it makes me excited. I'm SO ready to be a wife. Like really ready - I want to embrace this next phase of my life, head on. I love cooking for my fiance. I hate cleaning - but I love the feeling get when my apartment is clean and he comes over and says my new comforter I picked out is pretty. I love my Sam's Club membership - I like shopping in bulk. I went to the grocery store the other day and scoffed at the prices - out loud. I love making decisions with someone who's opinion I value, I respect and think the world of (I'm the girl in the picture above, discussing major life decisions with my eternal partner *smile*) Making someone else happy is a great challenge that I embrace, I try to find the cutest e-cards, coupon books and other random tokens of affection so I can "outdo" him in the race of love. I like hanging out with other couples (read: cool couples) - and I looooooooove going to church with my fiance and holding his hand during the sermon. I'm excited for pre martial counseling and in 2-3 years...I cannot wait to have his children. I'm a sap - whatever, talk about me. I used to be one of the naysayers and I'm an in-love loser - and i LOVE it. HECK, I even like PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION!!! THAT'S RIGHT!!! I'm sure some people who used to know me in high school and college are like, WHAT?!?! WHO!??! Yep - it's me...
That's today's collection of moments - I'll be back tomorrow :)
