Thank You...

This collection of moments includes the ups and downs of love up to this point in my life.

but Saturday

Saturday, August 23, 2008 changed everything...

When I tell you that love has completely surprised me, know that I'm telling the truth

Everything that I ever believed about love...

BLACK love

changed the day HE entered my life.

I used to think that you had to work really hard for love

that a man could never do something, just because....

well, maybe he could, but those days were few and far between.

I used to think that women's ideas and goals

were so far from what a man wanted.

And now I know differently.

Now...I know that if you dream of someone who will appreciate and value you for who you really are,

God will send him to you.

It doesn't matter how many Ishmael's come - Issac is on his way.

I'm not acting like it did it all perfect.

God knows that I've made mistakes and spent too much time dwelling over ones that he didn't have for me

but I think God for his GRACE and MERCY.

He allowed me to realize that I'm much too important of a person to settle for less than His best.

He showed me that I needed to focus on me.

Get my life in order.

Clean up my house.

BE HAPPY WITH MYSELF.

Learn to love every piece of me.

He showed me that I'm not perfect and told me things I needed to work on.

He let me run away, only to realize that it all came BACK to HIM.

So, I thank God for showing me some things that I wasn't able to see for myself.

And now He tells me to WRITE it.

To show other women

BLACK women

that if we LOVE ourselves and honor CHRIST - first and foremost

He can and he will give you what your heart desires.

So I've changed it all.

My opinions on love

and how it works...

There is a man who will treat you like a queen

and be on the SAME PAGE you are.

Even when I thought it was CRAZY that I KNEW he was my husband on our first date.

I fell in love with him that night at the movie theatre.

God intertwined our thoughts and our hearts both beat the same rhythm.

Some people said our romance was fast and we needed to slow it down...some people even laughed when I said, I found him.

I thought our pace would dissipate because of the naysayers and then you SILENCED them...

with a ring

and three simple words, Will you marry me?

I say three, even though I know it's four because I SCREAMED, YES YES YES YES YES YES YES !

before you could get that last word out.

God has blessed me tremendously.

Never did I understand his truly undying love for me

until he sent me

HIM.

THREE AM

It's three am and I can't go to sleep.

I think its' because my mind is full, my heart is happy, my mouth is eager to speak.

But my sister is out with my other roommate and my boyfriend is sleeping.

My other roommate is out of town and my college roommate is in Virginia Beach with her boyfriend.

My SPBFF is probably sound asleep because...it is 3 am.

So I turn to one of my very best friends. My thoughts.

I realized today that I am happy with my thoughts, even though they scare me at times.

And the only reason they scare me is because they're tinged with reality.

A reality full of favor, blessings, slight insecurities, overall exuberance, clarity and partly cloudy skies...

My last post, I exclaimed, I AM ME!

and I am :) so happily me...

What a great feeling to have....even with it's 3 am in the morning.

I think AM means, in the morning - but somethings you have to write out twice...for emphasis.

I'm happy that I am not at odds with myself. I think that true acceptance of each flaw, each quirk is the true essence of happiness....

Realizing that you may not have all of the answers, just a lot of gut feelings...

and blind faith - its enough :)

I think that's all for now....

There's so much more I could say - but some things, you have to let tickle the corners of your heart and mind only.

I'll relish that part of me

and let no one see :)

GOOD MORNING!

I am me....

I am comfortable.
Being Me.
I am completely at ease with who I am.
I think that is a profound statement
Considering many people are struggling to figure out who they are.
I say, I am a lover.
A companion to a great man, who loves me for who I am
Embraces the things that make me different
Love the curves, the lumps and bumps, my body
Tells me each day that when I open my mouth to speak
He falls deeper in love with me.
I say, I am a friend.
Not the best friend...but I try to do what I know is right.
Sometimes I get it wrong. At times, I know I've said hurtful things...
Mostly out of love, but perception, is, in fact, reality.
But I see the best in my friends. I want them to be their best.
I have their best interest in heart. So I learn...
I learn to shut up and to realize sometimes the best thing you can do it listen
and hope they make the best out of their lives.
And if or when they ever need you...make yourself available.
Loyalty, Honestly and Dependability - I am a friend.
I say, I am a sister.
Maybe I try too hard to make sure you don't fall in the same traps I did...
Can you blame me? I just want to make sure you're better than I am.
I am the best sister in the world...I'm not bragging, it's true.

This must be how a mother feels...except without the child birth.
I am most proud of you and who you've become.
I am to you, what I wish an older person was to me - and I'm good at it.
Aren't you glad...
I say, I am larger than life.
Its taken a long time to TRULY embrace myself. My words, my actions, my body, my hair.
Everything that makes me grand, big, loud, large...and I like it.
Fabulously, effortlessly, wonderfully bigger than you can ever imagine.
Healthy, Actively me.

I may not be under 5'3 or weigh what society tells me...
but I am beautiful
I say, I am pretty....beauty is not defined by what Eurocentrics think or tell me.
What shown on videos, magazines or TVs.

Beauty is twisting my hair,
two strand twists,

so when I make up in the morning my Afro is FIERCE!

Sun kissed golden brown skin, bright smile, pink lips,

large eyes, large thighs, medium bust, big hips...

I am sweeeeeet.

Foreign Land....

your words have moved me to an unfamiliar space
somehow a reassured confident woman is now nervous....
I'm not sure how to occupy this brand new place

scared, butterflies, fear of the unknown
isn't that how you put it the other day?

20 something year old black man - why is it hard being grown?

never knew that the thought of the big day
would make you feel the opposite of me
invoking fear of flight - that's what you say

i placed you on a pedestal, that no other man has been
confident that my prince charming never knew the meaning of cold feet
but one moment of honesty, much to my chagrin

i see you strong, tall, large, grand
commanding, deep voice, intense gaze
big hands

nervous of what, making a happily ever after come true?
scared of obeying God's command?

i didn't know whether i should cry or write
should I be happy your honest, should I run for cover
take flight?

i write the happy things, the love things,
never been inspired much by tears
guess there's a first time for everything
even if hasn't happened in years...

you're just man
i put my confidence in Christ

just give me a chance to heal
just as you prayed for us last night

you held my hand, kissed my fingers
asked God to reveal to me you're only human.
you're just scared about changing my life forever
Making sure we are a success, not ending in ruin...

but a part of me you changed last night
i just need a bit of time
to adjust to seeing you in a different light

a man
pure and simple
capable of making a mistake

a man
young and single
nervous about the future
confident in his love for me

a
man

the
man
God
sent
me...